


The Magic Turtle's Cave

by panaceaa, Townycod13



Series: The Magic Turtle [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Craig is a Good Boyfriend, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-12 18:51:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panaceaa/pseuds/panaceaa, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Townycod13/pseuds/Townycod13
Summary: Tweek finds underpants gnomes in his home yet again.





	The Magic Turtle's Cave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PaisleyWraith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaisleyWraith/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Pais!!! You've been an amazing friend and inspirational writer for as long as we've known you and we wanted to express how much you mean to us by celebrating the day you birthed to this insane planet! Thank you so much for being such a drop-dead baddass human being with a gigantic heart. You're 300% legit, bro. And we love you to pieces<3

 

The voices tittered at the edge of his senses, Tweek tried to ignore them. They were always there. Always there. Always there. Hovering nearby, whispering and stealing anything they could get their nasty little hands on.

He could ignore them. They weren’t real. They couldn’t be real. They were never real.

“Oi, kid, wake up.”

Not real, not real, not real--

Something kicked him in the skull with a tiny little boot, “Sonofabi--”

A bunch of tiny hands covered his mouth and his eyes were blown wide in panic.

Multiple sets of eyes locked on his, “Don’t be so loud. You’ll wake your parents, kid.”

Tweek nodded blankly, a tremor of unease running down his spine. The gnomes rarely, if ever, chose to interact with him. In fact, they were much more likely to get pissed at him for acknowledging their presence.

“We need a favor from y--”

“No!” Tweek burst, struggling away from the mass of horrible little bastards.

“You didn’t even wait to hear what…”

“Idon’tcare! Whatever you want is probably--nnnNN--awful and I don’t want any part of it!”

“Now that’s just hurtful!” One gnome rested his hand on his waist defiantly, “Why would you say something like that?”

“You’re _currently_ stealing my underwear!” Tweek hissed, pointing to the line of gnomes that were carefully lifting his boxers across the floor. Six pairs of eyes gleamed up at him questioningly.

“That doesn’t necessarily mean we’re bad, ya know,” the gnome argued. “Stealin’ a bit of underwear never hurt no one.”

“ _Gah!_ It hurts _me_ , you little assholes!”

“Alright, fair enough. Look, what will it take for you to do our favor?” The gnome bargained, “We need the help of a big and you’re awfully handy in a pinch, so we’ve heard. Do us this _one_ favor and we’ll do anything you’d like in return.”

Tweek was ready to give another even louder rejection but his eyes wandered back to his boxers, now disappearing in the vents below.

No more having to explain missing articles of clothes to his parents.

No more going commando by surprise on days where he had gym class.

No more fucking _underpants gnomes_.

It was so. Unbelievably. Tempting.

Tweek swallowed the _no_ begging to come out and looked back to the spokesmen gnome.

“On _one_ condition.”

***

Craig never considered himself a particularly romantic person. A good boyfriend maybe, but words and romantic gestures were never really his strong suit. That being said, he did think of them sometimes. Old memories rising to the forefront of his brain and teasing him with things that maybe he could have done differently. Well, that is, if he wasn’t a self-proclaimed apathetic asshole.

Still, sometimes his mind wandered.

In this particular instance, his brain repeats a scene from a few months ago, rewinding the tape of his mind as if he’d hit the rewind button on one of his video cameras, before stopping at the perfect moment and hitting play.

They had been curled together on his couch. Tweek less jumpy than usual, almost completely still as he rested against him underneath the thin blanket. A faint shudder would run through him every so often, but it was a movement that Craig had gotten used to. As commonplace as the rapid beating of Tweek’s heart, and the rise and fall of his chest.

In the background the TV drones on softly, yet Craig honestly can’t remember what it even was that they’d been watching. Instead, he focuses the almost heartachingly perfect moment as he and Tweek quietly talk about everything and nothing. They talk about the stars and the universe. The earth and the particles of air that they breathe. Thoughts. Dreams. Things that mean everything, and yet mean nothing at all.

Caught by the perfection of the moment, Craig suddenly knows exactly what he needs to say.

“Tweek I-“

He stops. The words freeze in his throat. Fuck, why was this so hard?

Tweek looks at him strangely. Then alarm shoots through his gaze as he suddenly turns on him with abject horror.

“I knew it!”

“What?”

“You’re dying! Oh GOD Craig, maybe we could get you some help and-“

“I’m not dying, Tweek.”

“Oh.” His gaze narrows. “Are you sure?”

Craig nods.

“Gah! But you were about to say something and-“

“Forget it, honey. It’s not important.”

Tweek eyes him again, rapidly flickering eyes measuring him up and down as if searching.

But then Craig slightly raises the edge of his lip in a weak excuse of a smile, and although Tweek bites his lip nervously at the sight, he thankfully drops it.

Craig sighs, returning to the present as he banishes the memory. Pushing it back as he continues following Tweek on yet another of his strange adventures.

When they finally breach the wall of trees and take their first steps into the woods, Craig reaches over and takes his boyfriend’s hand.

One day he’d tell him.

***

Craig would do a great many things for his boyfriend. It was just the sort of person he was, the people he had committed to were all people he would go to great feats for.

He hadn’t thought that slogging through a swamp in the middle of the night following a nearly incoherently babbling Tweek Tweak was among the things he would do for his boyfriend. If someone had asked him last week he probably would have ignored them because it was a stupid question.

And yet, here he was.

No questions asked. Tweek had texted him to meet by Stark’s Pond and he’d dragged himself out of bed at the text.

“We-- _gah_ \--just need to find this damn turtle, okay?!”

Craig nodded. That was about the amount of information he needed. He sloshed through a particularly cold pool of water after the erratic blond, peeking into the dark liquid to see if he spotted a turtle in there.

Nope. No turtle.

Oh, right, one other thing he should know.

“Why are we looking for a turtle?”

Tweek’s body jerked and he looked like he was about to punch through a tree in frustration over it. Craig kinda didn’t doubt Tweek could, if he put his mind to it. Tweek could do pretty much anything he put his mind to. Leashing that kind of manic energy would be utterly impossible.

“ _Gnomes_!” Tweek seethed, the word coming out of his mouth like a curse.

Yep.

That checked out.

Or maybe it didn’t, but Craig reasoned that turtles were cute and if they _did_ find a turtle out in the wilderness, he could take some pictures of it for his blog.

Maybe a picture of Tweek with the turtle, _oh_ , that would be an adorable wallpaper. Yep. He definitely needed a picture of his boyfriend and turtle. He began to actually search the ground in earnest for the signs of a turtle among the muck.

“They said that it’s inacave but I think there’s something else in there too, that’s why they sent me.” Tweek explained, gesturing wildly as he went, “We’re probably going to get killed--GAH--this is so dumb.”

It _was_ pretty dumb.

Craig shrugged, he was pretty sure he had a long list of dumber shit he’d done, “It’s cool.”

Tweek flashed him a smile through the mania and it was one of those soft ones that made his toes tingle.

He should tell Tweek now, probably, the atmosphere was good. There were no interruptions, the moon was bright.

His throat felt awfully dry though.

“Ah, I see you have made it this far.”

What in the--Craig stood stupefied at the glowing floating frog in a crown that had inserted itself between him and Tweek.

“Young Tweek Tweak, I am the Frog King, there are four trials you must overcome in ord--” Oh, that wasn’t a great gurgling sound. Craig flinched sympathetically as the frog struggled in Tweek’s death grip.

“No--nnGhNnn--tests! Howdoyouknow my name?!”

The frog gurgled something and Craig felt inclined to interject on the creatures behalf, “Honey, it can’t answer you if it can’t breathe.”

Tweek loosened his grip but only barely. Craig spent a moment wondering how his boyfriend was able to choke out what appeared to be a noncorporeal talking frog. A moments deliberation led him to the answer: he didn’t particularly care.

“Your coming was foretold--”

Tweek squeezed, “ _Foretold by who_?!”

Yep, the poor creature had definitely triggered Tweek’s paranoid switch. Ouch. That wasn’t really going to end well for it.

“The--the legends spoke of--” Squeeze. “I--” Squish. “The gnomes told me!”

Tweek released the frog, tentatively accepting the answer and making it known with his patented _don’t fuck with me_ frown.

Huh, so there were actual gnomes. Go figure.

“I’m not doing theirfuckingtrials. Just give me the damn turtle!”

“But we can’t judge your worthiness without testing you!” The frog complained. Craig kinda felt bad for him, he was utterly crestfallen that his carefully planned quest wasn’t going how he wanted it.

Tough shit, they probably shouldn’t have chosen Tweek if they wanted a person to patiently slog through quest bullshit. Hanging out with Stan’s crew in their youth had already thoroughly rid Tweek of any desire for that sort of nonsense.

Craig made a mental note to maybe kick Stan in the shin next time he saw him. Nothing to hard, just ‘cause… screw that guy.

Oh. Tweek was still interrogating the frog. Craig dialed back into the conversation.

“--and you’re sure it’s in the fucking cave?! No tricks?”

“No! No tricks, I wouldn’t dare!” the Frog King defended, keeping a careful distance between himself and the looming figure of what was swiftly becoming his worst nightmare. “Just go into the cave and find the entrance hidden behind the flowers, there on the pedestal, there will be The Turtle.” Wow. Craig could hear the capitalization on that one. _Wild_. “You mustn’t touch anything else when you are there, otherwise it could cost both your lives!”

Craig decided to spare the poor frog more trauma and nodded from behind it, catching Tweek’s attention.

“Should we go, honey?”

Tweek’s face made a complicated sort of frown, somewhere between pleased and agitated, which was always an amazing thing to see if Craig was totally honest. How did he manage to make his expressions move in so many directions?

Downright magical.

At least, it felt more magical to Craig than the frog ghost, gnomes, and wish turtle.

He really ought to tell Tweek.

“Yeah.” Tweek agreed, taking his hand and pulling him along to the immense relief of the Frog King. “If that stupid frog lied, I’m going to huntitdownand eat its fucking legs,” Tweek grumbled.

The frog looked less pleased with itself now and Craig raised an eyebrow at it.

Oh well, no point in getting panties in a knot over nothing.

***

The first signs of nightfall were beginning to appear through the orange horizon. Small pockets of stars and the faded image of the moon all waiting for the sun to finally vanish so that they could make their grand entrance and finally begin their shift of lighting up the sky. It always amazed Craig that it was only once the sun went down that the hidden visage of the galaxy was finally made visible. It was always there, the universe never just fucking packed its bags and left, after all. But it was interesting as hell that the daytime was something of a lie, blue skies a curtain to hide what was really lying behind it. Stars and constellations. A galaxy that more vast than they could ever imagine, making each and every creature on earth utterly insignificant.

It was a comforting thought.

As he gazes up at the sky, another memory enters the forefront of his mind.

On that particular night, the sky had looked an awful lot like this one.

They’d been laying in the grass in Craig’s backyard. The stars swirling around their heads in forms of constellations. Hydra, the sea serpent winding its tail across the midnight darkness. The maiden of Virgo stretching out in all her majesty. And Ursa Major, the soft yet fearsome angles of the great bear. 

Soft and fearsome. A lot like someone else that Craig knew.

His gaze flickers over to the person laying in the grass beside him. All wild blond hair nestling into the blades of the dark green grass, the wisps of both combining and swaying gently in the warm summer breeze. Tweek always had such interesting hair. It was as if it had a mind of its own, did whatever the hell it wanted to. A bit of a chaotic force, much like Tweek himself.

As the blond lays beside him, he prattles on about conspiracy theories, and the millions of little ways that the universe is out to get him. He doesn’t seem frightened though, not on this night. More contemplative, speaking the thoughts of his mind and yet focusing most of his attention on the sky above. Craig had told him once about his theory of insignificance. How the most amazing thing about the universe was that if they were to die tomorrow, or if every single conspiracy theory was true, then it wouldn’t even really matter.

Tweek turns his face towards him, blades of grass now brushing against his cheek, and he offers him a small smile.

Craig just stares. Wishing that he could take a picture and somehow hold onto this moment forever. But instead, he settles for holding out an arm and taking Tweek’s hand within his own.

His memory comes to an end as he suddenly finds his view of the sky blocked from view by a ceiling of dense rock. He hadn’t even noticed they’d reached the cave. Well, shit.

Beside him, Tweek looks at the sudden surrounding rock in slight panic. He’d always hated closed in spaces. Hated the thought of being unable to run.

Craig gives the trembling hand still held within his a firm squeeze, and Tweek rewards him with a small smile that’s reminiscent of the very one he gave seemingly a lifetime ago.

Then together, they continue onwards.

***

“I’m eating the fucking frog.” Tweek had _had_ it with this insane cave. They’d had to outrun a _boulder_ , a fucking _boulder_.

“I think it’s already dead, honey.” Craig interjected.

Logic. Always with the logic. Goddamnit, Craig. Tweek tried not to smile, it should be terribly annoying but something about Craig’s nasal monotone made it nice.

And the night wasn’t a _total_ loss. He’d had to lose his grip on Craig’s hand and honestly? That was enough to make it all just a little worth it.

He still needed to find those stupid fucking flowers tho--

Craig tapped his shoulder and pointed to a wall covered in lylic.

Oh.

“Fucking _finally_ .” This was going to be worth it. He’d give the turtle to the stupid gnomes and then they would stay _out_ of his house _forever_.

They crept into the room, careful not to disturb anything. Tweek startled into Craig’s chest at the sight of the place though, it was _not_ a room that belonged in a cave.

“Wow.” Craig said in complete monotone but Tweek could hear the undertones of surprise.

It looked like they’d entered a damn palace, which was not comforting if he was totally honest, he’d never heard of anything good happening in a palace.

There was a pedestal with a turtle seated carefully atop it though. It didn’t look like a special turtle, it was entirely underwhelming in every single way.

 _Except_ for the plaque beneath it.

**Wish Granting Turtle. Handle with Care.**

Son of a bitch.

Tweek marched over and picked up the turtle with no hesitation, preparing himself for the entire place to come down around him. But nothing occurred. The turtle did move it’s little turtle legs though, trying to slowly walk through the air.

“Should we go?” Craig suggested, tugging at the hand still in his. Tweek nodded., mind still on the plaque even as they left the room. Tweek shoved the turtle into one of his pockets.

“I wonder what would have happened if wetouchedsomething,” he said, once they were safely outside and heading towards the entrance of the cave. He let Craig lead the way since he had an excellent sense of direction and there was no one that Tweek trusted more to get them to the exit.

A gust of wind distracted him from the task of following, “Hold on.”

Craig paused, looking back.

“Do you feel that?”

Craig waited a moment and another cool breeze brushed over them, moving the tassels of Craig’s hat.

“Yeah,” he nodded and they both moved towards the source, the dim moonlight becoming more and more prominent as they moved.

Finally they found an opening and came out onto a plateau outside of the cave. Tweek could see a narrow path downwards and towards the town that looked just barely trustable.

Craig’s breath hitched though and Tweek looked over, finding Craig’s eyes locked on the night sky with that same adoration he had for it.

There was probably nothing in this world that Craig loved more than looking at the stars dotting the sky, Tweek didn’t resist this smile.

He loved seeing Craig like this, eyes wide with wonder and world focused on one thing he adored.

“Tweek.” Craig said, and Tweek could feel a tremble in his hand.

There was a thread of anxiety that coursed through him at the tone, to the untrained ear it just sounded like Craig, but Tweek could _hear_ the thick emotion behind it, “YeAH?” Curse his volume control.

Craig’s eyes moved away from the sky and to Tweek but none of the wonder or excitement left his face.

“You’re my night-sky.”

Tweek’s breath was somewhere far away all of a sudden.

There was so much _meaning_ in that and he wasn’t good with words and-- _GUH_ \--fuckit!

Tweek leaned forward and tasted his boyfriend's lips for the first time.

***

 _“Hey Craig, are you ready to go?_ ”

Eight years ago Craig answers the door to the twitching form of his maybe-fake-boyfriend.

The ‘fake’ was how they referred to themselves. The ‘maybe’ was the line of self-questioning that Craig tried not to think too much about.

In truth, Craig tried not to think too much about a lot of things.

Tried not to think about how he was getting a little too attached to the feel of Tweek’s hand resting within his. Tried not to think about the twisting feeling he got in his stomach whenever Tweek smiled, or the sudden burst of happiness he’d get whenever Tweek snorted in laughter.

He tried not to think about how they loved all the same things. Playing video games late into the night, or watching Red Racer together on the sofa after school. Hands remaining clasped even when there was no one around to see.

And he tried not to think about how he was falling a little too deep, while Tweek probably would run screaming at the thought of actual feelings existing within their fake relationship.

Because that’s all this was. Just a ploy to make the town happy.

It was all just a lie.

 _“Yeah, let’s just get this over with._ ”

***

Craig didn’t know what to do with the turtle.

Tweek had rubbed it, made a weird gnome related wish, and when Craig had asked to take a picture of it, Tweek had given it to him without any hesitation.

He didn’t have any use for a turtle. All of his love was reserved for Stripe.

He didn’t even have a proper container for it so he had to bring it with him to school.

A friendly arm wrapped around his shoulders, completely disregarding his personal space, “Hey, Craig! What do you have there?”

Craig looked from the turtle to Clyde. And back again.

Yep.

“Early birthday present.” He shoved the turtle into Clyde’s hands, ignoring the surprised yelp.

“But my birthday was April…”

“Late present then.” Craig shrugged, already walking away.

He wanted to go see if he could taste the night sky again.


End file.
